The rule that decides the whole suitcase
In a care home laundry goes through an industrial wash: hot water, strong detergent, tumble dryer. Anything wool, silk, "hand wash only" or "dry clean" will come back shrunk, or will not come back. It is the first thing to know, because it decides what goes in the case.
So: cotton and hard-wearing synthetics, mid or dark colours (marks show less), and nothing you would be upset to lose.
Clothes: how much and which
- about 7 complete outfits: underwear, socks, tops, trousers or skirts. Fewer creates laundry anxiety; many more will not fit the wardrobe, which is always small.
- front fastenings: if she needs help dressing, buttons and zips at the front are the difference between dignity and a struggle. Avoid anything that goes over the head if her shoulders hurt.
- 2 cardigans and a light jacket: homes go from warm to draughty in three metres.
- closed-back, non-slip shoes — not backless slippers, one of the most banal causes of falls.
- 3 or 4 nighties or pyjamas that open easily.
- everything name-labelled, sewn in or iron-on. Marker pen fades by the third wash.
The paperwork (copies, not originals)
- ID, NHS number, and details of her GP practice;
- medication list with doses and times, and the boxes: hand these to the nurse, not into the bedside drawer;
- recent prescriptions, hospital discharge letters, latest test results;
- allergies and intolerances on a separate sheet;
- Attendance Allowance or PIP award letters, and the local authority financial assessment if there is one;
- lasting power of attorney (health and welfare, and property and affairs) or deputyship order; any advance decision and her named next of kin;
- contact numbers for two family members, mobiles included.
The things that make the room hers
This is the part families underrate and the part that changes the first weeks most:
- photographs with names written on the back — they help her, and they let staff talk to her about her family;
- a recognisable blanket or throw, her own pillow;
- a radio or a player with the music of her twenties;
- a large clock that also shows the day and date: it helps someone who gets disoriented far more than it sounds;
- a familiar bedside lamp, and a night light;
- if allowed, her own armchair: ask first, for space and fire regulations.
What to leave at home
- jewellery, valuable watches, more than a little cash. Take little, and ask for a signed inventory of what came in;
- irreplaceable items: if losing it would hurt, it does not come;
- heaters, candles, extension leads: nearly always banned;
- medicines in her handbag: they must be managed by the nursing team, or you risk double doses.
Label glasses, hearing aid (with batteries and charger), dentures and their case as well. These are the things that go missing most, and their absence worsens confusion and appetite within days.
The single most useful thing: one page about her life
One sheet of A4, handed to the manager on day one: what she did for a living, her children's and grandchildren's names, what she likes to be called, what time she wakes, how she takes her tea, what calms her, what frightens her, what she likes talking about, what she cannot stand.
It is the most underrated tool families have and the one staff use most: it genuinely changes how she is cared for, because it turns her from "the lady in room 12" into a person with a history.
The first day: the classic mistakes
- Arrive in the morning, not at 6pm. Late afternoon is the worst time: shift handover, and sundowning building.
- Do not all come at once. Two people, not eight.
- Unpack with her and hang the photographs *before* you leave: a room that is already hers is nothing like an empty room with a bag on the floor.
- Do not stay all day. It feels harsh, but staff need to establish a direct relationship with her, and that does not happen with the family present.
- Say goodbye short and identical: "I'll be back on Wednesday." Drawing it out does not comfort her.
Before you go, ask: who is her named nurse or key worker, what number to ring in the evening, how the laundry works, how small personal spending is handled, and when the first care plan review will be (ask for four to six weeks).
And for what to expect next: the first weeks in a care home, what is normal.
If the home is not chosen yet
Curalune Care Help (£69) puts together, usually within 24 working hours, a shortlist of 3 to 5 homes matched to your area, the level of care needed and the budget, with direct contacts and the questions to ask.
*General information. Every home has its own rules: ask for their official list before buying anything.*
