"They just don't get on"
Your mother tells you the woman across the corridor shouts at her. Or her roommate goes through her drawers at night. Or there is a bruise on her arm and, eventually, someone mentions there was "an incident" with another resident.
What you will usually hear is that they are both confused, that nobody meant any harm, and that this is what happens when people live together. Some of that may be true. It is not the relevant point.
The word that changes the conversation
Under the Care Act, this is a safeguarding matter. An adult with care and support needs who is experiencing, or at risk of, abuse or neglect — and who cannot protect themselves — engages the local authority's safeguarding duty. Abuse includes physical and psychological abuse, and nothing in that definition requires the person causing it to have intended harm. A resident with dementia can cause harm that is still harm.
And here is the part families do not know: anyone can raise a safeguarding concern. You do not need the home's agreement, you do not need to go through the manager first, and you cannot be required to. Contact the adult safeguarding team at the local authority for the area the home is in.
Say it plainly, in writing, to the home: "I am raising this as a safeguarding concern. Please confirm that a safeguarding referral has been made to the local authority and tell me what protective measures are in place in the meantime."
The questions to put in writing
- "Has a safeguarding referral been made, and has this been notified to CQC?" Providers must notify CQC of allegations of abuse. If no referral was made, ask on what basis it was decided one was not needed.
- "What immediate protective measures are in place?" Separation at mealtimes, supervision at specific times, a room move, increased checks — something concrete now, not "we'll keep an eye out".
- "Is there a care plan addressing the other resident's behaviour?" You are not entitled to their clinical information, but you are entitled to know a plan exists.
- "What triggered it?" These incidents cluster predictably: at mealtimes, in doorways, in the late afternoon, over a chair or the television, and in shared rooms at night. All of it is fixable.
- "Has my mother been assessed since — for injury, for pain, and for fear?" Someone frightened of another resident stops leaving her room, and the decline gets written down as withdrawal rather than as its cause.
Ask for a care plan review, and ask for specifics
- seating at meals, with names;
- who supervises the time of day when it happens;
- whether a room move is appropriate — and if the home proposes moving your mother, ask why the person causing the harm is not the one being moved. Moving the victim is the easy answer, and it is worth challenging;
- what happens if it recurs, and who telephones you.
What not to accept
Sedation as the answer. Inappropriate antipsychotic prescribing for people with dementia has been a national concern for years, precisely because it raises the risk of falls, stroke and death. If a new medicine appears in either resident's chart after an incident, ask for the documented reason and the review date.
"It's just dementia." Repeated, predictable incidents with no plan are a staffing and care planning failure, not an inevitability. Person-centred care and safe care are fundamental standards, and they apply to the resident being shouted at as much as to the one shouting.
Silence. You should be told when your mother is injured or involved in an incident.
If it does not stop
- Everything in writing, with dates, through the home's formal complaints procedure.
- The local authority safeguarding team — directly, and again if the first referral produced nothing.
- CQC, which should hear about a home where residents are repeatedly harmed by other residents. It will not resolve your individual case, but the pattern is exactly what it inspects.
- The Local Government and Social Care Ombudsman once the complaints process is exhausted, and the police if there has been an assault and you are not satisfied it is being taken seriously.
Keep your own record: dates, what your mother said, what you saw, who you told and what they said back. In a fortnight nobody will remember; your file will.
When it is time to move her
One incident between two confused people, followed by a real plan, is a home doing its job. A second incident with the same resident, no plan, and a suggestion that your mother be the one to move is a different signal — and it is usually about staffing levels rather than about those two people.
If you have reached that conclusion and do not have another round of calls in you, that is the part we do. Tell us the area, your parent's needs and what happened here, and you get a shortlist of homes worth calling, for £69. If you don't receive at least 3 homes matching the area and criteria you gave us, we refund you in full. Start here
This article is general information for families, not legal or medical advice. Safeguarding procedures and regulators differ across England, Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland. If you believe your parent is in immediate danger, tell the manager and contact the local authority or the police without delay. Curalune does not allocate beds and does not guarantee availability.
