The rule that decides the whole suitcase
In a long-term care home laundry goes through an industrial wash: hot water, strong detergent, high-heat dryer. Anything wool, silk, "hand wash only" or "dry clean" will come back shrunk, or will not come back. It is the first thing to know, because it decides what goes in the bag.
So: cotton and hard-wearing synthetics, mid or dark colours (stains show less), and nothing you would be upset to lose.
Clothes: how much and which
- about 7 complete outfits: underwear, socks, tops, pants or skirts;
- front fastenings: if she needs help dressing, buttons and zippers at the front are the difference between dignity and a struggle;
- 2 cardigans and a light jacket;
- closed-back, non-slip shoes — not backless slippers, one of the most banal causes of falls;
- 3 or 4 nightgowns or pyjamas that open easily;
- everything name-labelled, sewn in or iron-on. Marker fades by the third wash — and in a shared laundry, unlabelled clothing simply disappears.
The paperwork (copies, not originals)
- photo ID and provincial health card;
- medication list with doses and times, and the bottles: hand these to the nurse, not into the bedside drawer;
- recent prescriptions, hospital discharge summary, latest labs;
- allergies and intolerances on a separate sheet;
- the rate reduction application if you have applied for one, plus Old Age Security / GIS details;
- power of attorney for personal care and property, guardianship papers if any, and the advance care plan naming the substitute decision-maker — bring the actual document;
- contact numbers for two family members, cells included.
The things that make the room hers
- photographs with names written on the back — they help her, and they let staff talk to her about her family;
- a recognisable quilt or throw, her own pillow;
- a radio or a player with the music of her twenties;
- a large clock that also shows the day and date;
- a familiar bedside lamp, and a night light;
- if allowed, her own armchair: ask first, for space and fire code.
What to leave at home
- jewellery, valuable watches, more than a little cash — and ask for a signed inventory of what came in;
- irreplaceable items;
- space heaters, candles, extension cords: nearly always prohibited;
- medications in her purse: they must be managed by the nursing team.
Label glasses, hearing aid (with batteries and charger), dentures and their case as well. These go missing most, and their absence worsens confusion and appetite within days.
The single most useful thing: one page about her life
One sheet, handed to the director of care on day one: what she did for a living, her children's and grandchildren's names, what she likes to be called, what time she wakes, how she takes her coffee, what calms her, what frightens her, what she likes talking about.
It is the most underrated tool families have and the one staff use most: it turns her from "the lady in 12" into a person with a history.
The first day: the classic mistakes
- Arrive in the morning, not at 6pm — shift change, and sundowning building;
- do not all come at once: two people, not eight;
- unpack with her and hang the photographs *before* you leave;
- do not stay all day: staff need to build their own relationship with her;
- say goodbye short and identical: "I'll be back Wednesday."
Before you go, ask: who her primary nurse is, what number to call in the evening, how laundry works, how small personal spending is handled, and the contact for the residents' and family council — before you need it.
And for what comes next: the first weeks in long-term care.
Curalune Care Help (CA$99) puts together, usually within 24 business hours, a shortlist of 3 to 5 homes that fit, with direct contacts and the questions to ask.
*General information. Every home has its own rules: ask for their official list before buying anything.*