She is being looked after. She eats, she is clean, the medications arrive. But she has not slept through a night in three weeks, because the woman down the corridor calls out until morning. Or another resident walks into her room, sits on her bed, and takes things off the bedside table.
Families tend to treat this as a small thing, almost an indulgence to raise — "the main thing is she's being looked after." That is a mistake. For someone who spends twenty hours a day in that room, the room is the whole world. And sleep deprivation in an older person produces confusion, falls and cognitive decline as reliably as an illness does.
1. The conflicts that repeat everywhere
- night noise: calling out, distress, a resident who gets up repeatedly;
- the television, loud because someone cannot hear;
- the window and the air conditioning, which sound trivial and cause daily friction;
- another resident wandering in, touching, moving, taking. In a memory support unit this is routine, and it is not malice — it is disorientation;
- belongings going missing, which is nearly always the same thing rather than theft;
- aggression, verbal or physical — and that changes everything (section 4);
- a neighbour who is dying: the hardest one, and the one nobody prepares you for.
2. What the Standards actually give you
There is no automatic right to move rooms on request. But there is more here than families realise.
The Charter of Aged Care Rights gives her the right to safe and quality care, to be treated with dignity and respect, and to privacy. It is not decorative — providers must give every resident a copy and it is what the Commission measures against.
The Aged Care Quality Standards require care that is safe and effective, and a service environment that is safe, comfortable and enables freedom of movement — for her and for the other resident. Both are the provider's problem to reconcile, not yours.
The care plan is the lever. If she is not sleeping, that is a care issue and not a preference. It belongs in the plan with an action and a review date. Ask for a case conference — you do not have to wait for the scheduled review.
3. How to write it so it works
Does not work: "Mum doesn't get on with the lady next door, we'd like her moved." That is a judgement about another resident, and no provider will side with you against her.
Works: "My mother has not slept through a night for three weeks. She is confused in the mornings and she had a fall on Tuesday. I'm asking for this to be assessed, added to her care plan with an action and a review date, and for a room change to be considered when one becomes available."
A measurable fact, a clinical consequence, a specific request with a date — and no judgement about the other resident, who is not at fault for being ill. Put it in writing to the facility manager.
4. When it stops being a compatibility issue
If there is physical aggression — pushing, hitting, a resident getting into another's bed at night — this is not compatibility. It is safety, and in Australia it is reportable.
Under the Serious Incident Response Scheme (SIRS), providers must report serious incidents including unreasonable use of force and neglect — and that includes incidents between residents. A provider that treats an assault between residents as an internal matter is not meeting its obligations.
In order
- report it in writing to the facility manager, asking what immediate measures are in place and whether it has been reported under SIRS;
- if the answer is vague, contact the Aged Care Quality and Safety Commission — 1800 951 822. Complaints can be made confidentially or anonymously;
- OPAN — 1800 700 600 will help you write it and attend the meeting with you, free;
- and know that restrictive practices are not the acceptable answer. Locking someone in, a chair they cannot rise from, or a sedating medication given so they do not wander are restrictive practices: last resort only, with documented alternatives, a behaviour support plan and informed consent from the restrictive practices substitute decision-maker. Use of restrictive practices is a published quality indicator you can look up on My Aged Care.
Incidents between residents are common in memory support units and do not mean the home is bad. But a good provider documents them, investigates, and changes something.
5. What to do while you wait
- wireless TV headphones: inexpensive, and they solve one of the most common conflicts outright;
- rearranging the room, and asking for a quieter part of the corridor — away from the lounge and the nurses' station;
- a low radio or fan on her side: continuous, predictable sound masks sudden noise better than silence;
- reviewing the evening routine and medication times with the RN;
- labelling her belongings, which prevents most "missing item" distress;
- not earplugs: on an older person, particularly with dementia, they do not work and they disorient.
6. When the neighbour is dying
It happens, and nobody prepares anybody.
What you can ask for: to be told, so you can be there; a temporary move, if any room is free, even for a few days; and to talk to her about it rather than hiding it. Older people understand far more than families assume, and silence frightens more than the truth.
7. When it is the wrong home
If you have asked in writing, if it is in the care plan, if months have passed and nothing has changed — then the problem is not the neighbour. It is that this home does not manage its rooms or its dementia care.
Curalune Care Help (A$109) puts together, usually within 24 business hours, a shortlist of 3 to 5 homes matched to her area and care needs — with contacts and the questions to ask about rooms, night staffing and how the home handles dementia behaviours.
*General information, not legal advice. Admission, fees and availability are always confirmed by the providers and the responsible bodies.*